Re-Imagining Our New Normal: The need for meaningful connections and community

by Milena Batanova
Director of Research & Evaluation, Making Caring Common

Last month marked the 5-year anniversary of the start of COVID-related lockdowns in the U.S. And within the first year of the pandemic, it became commonplace to question: Is this our “new normal”?

Looking at headlines and recent studies, it can still feel daunting to make sense of our new normal. Are many Americans actually lonelier or more socially distanced? Are people somewhere in-between, making time for those close to them, but retreating from the rest? 

A lot has happened in the last five years, including alarming learning losses and long term effects on young people and families, even more demand for mental health support, and perhaps the worst polarization we’ve ever seen or experienced. Below, I reflect on the down- and upside of where we might be, socially, and what some of our recent research on loneliness tells us. While there are no consistent data pointing to increasing trends of loneliness, our research, and that of others, does point to a number of very real concerns–but also very practical solutions, many of which are already taking place. 

The downside 

A huge study by UCLA and Clemson researchers concluded that people “not going out” is the new normal. Derek Thompson of The Atlantic echoed the same conclusion in his recent article, "The Anti-Social Century," citing data that Americans spent even more time alone in 2023 than they did in 2021, and young people now spend much less time hanging out in-person, even celebrating canceled plans on social media. 

An article in the New York Times headlined, "How Tech Created a 'Recipe for Loneliness,’" arguing that our over reliance on text messaging and social media means fewer close friendships and meaningful one-on-one communications. In "The Friendship Paradox," Olga Khazan argued that Americans have friends (there’s data showing that too), we just never really see them because we have a shortage of time and limited proximity to people we know. 

What’s the common factor here? Whether people are spending more time alone out of choice or circumstance, there seems to be at least some consensus around a problem of disconnection. 

As our own research showed in last fall's report, "Loneliness in America: Just the Tip of the Iceberg?", a whopping 34% of Americans said they don’t have meaningful communities or groups that they are really a part of. That’s potentially one in three of our friends, family members, acquaintances, and strangers we come into contact with every day. 

The upside 

At the same time, plenty of positive data and anecdotal evidence point to many Americans yearning for community—and doing something about it. 

According to Eventbrite’s TRNDS 2024 report, “63% of event attendees are seeking transformational experiences that positively contribute to their well-being, health and longevity.” From Los Angeles to Chicago, from Nashville to Manhattan, organizations and events like Friend or Flame, 615 Soul Line Dance, meet irl, and Club Chess all have one thing in common: they offer fun or novel experiences to facilitate introductions and interactions between people looking for connection, friendship, and even romance.

To be sure, there are valid, critical questions: Who are these events or experiences benefiting most? Most likely those with money and freedom of time. What are the experiences actually achieving? Perhaps these “authentic and tangible human interactions” are quite short-lived and working against what sometimes feels like a lost art of true connection. 

Or maybe they’re truly helping people forge connections. There are also a multitude of other organizations and initiatives and yes, even apps, that provide free or affordable opportunities for cultivating meaningful connections. Places like Blue Fever, Cogenerate, Living Room Conversations, Millions of Conversations, Mismatch, Neighborly Faith, Only 7 Seconds, The Listen First Project, The Village Square, and Weave, just to name a few. 

I don’t have the answers, but as I reflect on these ups and downs, our research validates one thing for sure: At a time when Americans say the pandemic drove us apart, we clearly need and yearn for meaningful connections. We need to truly care to understand one another — within and beyond our small circles or silos — and to remember that we’re individuals first, with stories and lived experiences worth sharing and learning from, for the sake of both personal and communal growth. Without these meaningful connections, we are likely to see continued and widespread loneliness—in children, young people, and adults alike.

The many experiences of loneliness

Our ”Loneliness in America” report made it clear that loneliness is multifaceted and potentially “just the tip of the iceberg”—that it often overlaps with mental health struggles and a sense of meaninglessness—but also that Americans see great agency in themselves to turn things around. Americans also recognize that loneliness is much more than a personal issue, just as the former U.S. Surgeon General emphasized in his now seminal advisory on loneliness and the "healing effects of social connection and community."

Here are a few key highlights from our research. 

• Loneliness is not just a social or emotional experience, but also an existential one. Thirty-four percent of Americans said they don’t have meaningful communities or groups they are a part of, and about 1 in 4 said they don't have enough close friends or family or deep emotional support. About a quarter also said their place in the world doesn’t feel important or that they feel fundamentally separate or disconnected from others or the world.

• It’s important to note that younger adults (ages 18-29 and 30-44) and individuals with low incomes are at heightened risk for loneliness, likely due to a host of economic, political, and life circumstances.

• Loneliness is highly correlated with anxiety or depressive symptoms as well as a low sense of meaning or purpose. For instance, over 60% of lonely adults said they lack meaning or purpose, compared to about a third who were not as lonely. In our previous research, as many as 60% of young adults and 40% of teens said they feel little to no meaning or purpose–also highly correlated to loneliness. We’ve also found that about 45% of young adults and a quarter of teens say they don’t matter to other people.

• When we asked adults what they think contributes to loneliness in America, the top cited issues were: technology, families lacking quality time together, working too much or being too busy/exhausted, and mental health issues hurting our relationships. When asked directly who or what they “blame,” over 60% placed blame on “our society” or people being “too focused on themselves or their small circles,” rather than blaming lonely people themselves.

The path forward

So what can we actually do about the problem of loneliness—or disconnection more broadly? Encouragingly, some of our research gives us a glimpse into the path forward.

The top solutions that people said would help reduce their loneliness are things we can ALL work on:

• 80% said taking time each day to reach out to a friend or family member.

• Over 70% said learning to love themselves, learning how to be more forgiving or positive towards people, and finding ways to help others.

• Over 70% said “more activities or fun community events” and “public spaces that are more accessible and connection-focused, like green spaces and playgrounds,” identifying the need for more or better social infrastructure.

All in all, it is encouraging that Americans are able to identify personal solutions to curbing loneliness, but they also make it clear that they can’t address loneliness in isolation. Connections and community are key.

At Making Caring Common, we’re doing what we can to help educators, caregivers, and colleges address this need for meaningful connections and community. For instance, our Relationship Mapping resources provide schools with strategies to identify students who currently lack meaningful connections—with school adults and peers—and then take steps to help form and sustain those connections.  

We also provide an Educator Toolkit for Teen Mental Health, which includes practical lessons for middle and high-school aged students that provide them not only with skill-based development but also important reflections on their support systems and finding meaning in their daily lives.

Our previous report, "Caring for the Caregivers," reinforced just how much parents need support too, so we’ll be developing similar resources for caregivers, knowing that to teach and model to our kids how to have meaningful connections and sense of community, we parents need those things, too.

Just as it should take a village to raise a child, it should take all of us to connect (or reconnect) with one another for the sake of everyone’s betterment, not just our own or our small circles. And just as we said in our very first report on loneliness, during the height of the pandemic in early 2021, “the time [still] seems ripe for concerted efforts to reimagine our social relationships and to mobilize coherently and strategically to prevent and curb loneliness.”